breastfeeding is hard - part 2

With Joshua, I had the most terrible first 6 weeks of breastfeeding. It hurt and I cried every time I even thought about having to nurse him again. But after that, it was smooth sailing. He was weaned at 14 months. This time, when the initial pain subsided after just a couple days, I thought it was going to be a breeze. But then the let-down issues started and the fussiness at the breast problems. And now, what seems to be a clogged duct. 

About 4 days ago, I started having this intense pain on the left side. Yesterday, when it was still there, I went to see the doctor who said it wasn't mastitis (that's a good thing) but a clogged duct. There's not much that can be done about it but continue to use that side and use it often to keep the milk flowing to unclog the duct. And take some ibuprofen. And try a hot or cold compress. And call the doctor if I have flu-like symptoms or a red patch develops (signs of mastitis) or if it's not better by Friday. Oh, the joys.

Scrooge

Joshua doesn't pronounce the fricatives v or f when they're not word initial; he uses the stops that correspond in voicing (b and p, respectively). To the non linguist, that means he says "moobie" instead of "movie", "goopy" instead of "goofy", "copy" instead of "coffee", and "Eban" instead of "Evan". This has led me to call Evan "Eban" and "Eb" and "Eby". And "Ebeneizer". As in Ebeneizer Scrooge. Usually only when he's crying. I've even just called him "Scrooge" a couple times. Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately, depending on how you feel about ducks and/or disney), it conjures the image of Scrooge McDuck in my mind, not some miserly Dickens character. This is bad, isn't it?

baby blues

I thought I was over the baby blues, which were less about the baby and more about Joshua, about grieving the loss of Joshua as my one and only, about sharing my time with him, about loving someone besides him. but they're back.

Today at preschool drop off, Teacher Serra had to help me unpeel Joshua from my leg. I waved to him and blew him kisses from the window. He smiled.  I knew he would be fine. And I went to the car and cried a little bit.  Cried because I love him so much. Cried because I feel like I don't get to spend the time with him that I should. Cried because I want to keep him with me forever.

Things change. Relationships change. And grow. And kids grow and change. He'll be fine. He'll be great. And he has a little brother he adores.  Now I just have to be okay.

we should keep him

Today when I was waking Joshua from his nap, I set Evan down in Joshua's bed, Joshua wrapped his arms around evan and said, "he likes it here with us. we should keep him." Okay, Buddy, we will!

4.5

Last night Evan ate at 9:30. He fell asleep at about 10:15. I was asleep around 10:30. And Evan didn't wake to eat again until 2 a.m. That means he went 4.5 hours from start of feed to start of feed - his longest yet. He's been on about a 2.5 hour schedule during the day. I was expecting him to wake around midnight. Oh, the joy of little things.

(Oh, and Joshua was asleep by 9 and didn't wake till morning. A nice thing, especially considering the night before, he woke crying at midnight (nightmares maybe?) and between him and Evan, I didnt get back to sleep until 3 only to be awakened by Joshua again at 5 at which point he got in my bed and I didnt sleep well after that.)

unhappy Joshua

halves/lack of photos

On February 13, Joshua turned three and a half. And then on the 15th, Evan turned one and a half months. I am not really sure why I always note half birthdays, but I do. Mine is in September. Growing up, I could never remember if St. Patrick's day was in September or in March. I knew it was in the same month as my birthday. Or was it my half birthday? Maybe half birthdays were important because my younger sister's birthday is in the summer so instead of celebrating her birthday at school, she brought treats to her class on her half birthday. Which is a day that does not actually exist since her birthday is August 30th and even in leap years, February doesn't have thirty days.

We did not really do anything special for Joshua for his half birthday, but sang to him and he got to have a sugar cookie for dessert (we had made them for Valentine's day).

The reason there aren't photos on this blog is because I type posts on my laptop or my phone and I save photos from my camera to external hard drive that is hooked up to my desktop. I rarely find the time to sit down in front of the desktop. I use the laptop while nursing Evan or while he's sleeping on my lap. Maybe once he is sleeping a longer chunk at night and I can stand to stay up for a few minutes after he falls asleep, I can make this blog look the way I would like it to. Till then, sorry. And see my photos on facebook.

blogging/update

Blogging - I'm not good at it. I don't make it a priority. I'm not sure how other moms do it. When I'm not playing with Joshua or nursing the baby, I'm either napping, cleaning my house, doing my continuing ed to renew my real estate license (due on the 23rd of this month - there's nothing like waiting till the last minute!), or watching mad men. Yes, watching mad men makes the list above the blog.

It's not that I don't think about it.  I just need some voice recognition software so I can speak my blog while I'm showering, since that's the time I have to myself to think about this thing.

Since my last post evan has become a 6 week old baby instead of a newborn. He has really come into the world and, while he still zones out, you can also tell he really sees you.  He is aware of his tongue and makes the funniest faces moving that tongue around.  For a couple weeks, he's been sleeping in his chair instead of his bed.  It seemed that he was having a tough time with reflux and when he was flat in his bed he would scream and grunt and cry. I tried holding him upright for 15 minutes after he ate, but that got really tiresome at 4am. So, we put him in his chair where he'd be more upright but I could lay down.  Last night, I put him back in his bed and he seemed fine.  Just another sign that he's growing up.

He's a pretty good sleeper so far. I mean, he wakes up every couple hours to eat, but for the most part, he goes right back to sleep.  He does have his fussy times, which right now seem to be from 10-11 am and from 9-11 or midnight. And the longest he's slept has been four hours - midnight to 4am - one night. I think I'm averaging around 6 hours each night. I try to nap each afternoon for about an hour, making a total of about 7 hours in a 24 hour period.  So, not too bad.  Yes, it's all broken up, but I'll take it.  Especially considering I got probably half that for the first 3 months of Joshua's life.

Joshua really loves his baby brother. When it's just me at bedtime, I often have Evan in my arms when it's time to tuck Joshua in, meaning I have to put Evan down. I put him down next to Joshua in his bed and Joshua loves that. He hugs and kisses and snuggles him. And is all smiles.

Speaking of Joshua, he's turned into a bean pole. Is that the saying? He's tall and skinny.  You wouldn't think that considering one of his favorite things to eat is bacon dipped in butter (yeah, I know!). But he is one long and thin kid. He's so smart too. He loves doing "projects" and is still so good at puzzles and shapes.  He can write several letters including J (though that one is often backwards), X, P, T, A, and H. He's good at math too. He seems to be able to do simple addition in his head.  Like he knows that 2and 2 make 4 and that 3 and 3 make 6.  And he doesn't have to count them out on his fingers or aloud or anything. I don't know, but that seems pretty advanced for a 3 year old.  Well, 3 and a half on Monday. He's just so grown up now.  It's hard to believe.

So, anyway, I'd like to say I'm going to be better about blogging but I probably won't. You'll just have to take it as it comes and love me anyway. :)