I thought I was over the baby blues, which were less about the baby and more about Joshua, about grieving the loss of Joshua as my one and only, about sharing my time with him, about loving someone besides him. but they're back.
Today at preschool drop off, Teacher Serra had to help me unpeel Joshua from my leg. I waved to him and blew him kisses from the window. He smiled. I knew he would be fine. And I went to the car and cried a little bit. Cried because I love him so much. Cried because I feel like I don't get to spend the time with him that I should. Cried because I want to keep him with me forever.
Things change. Relationships change. And grow. And kids grow and change. He'll be fine. He'll be great. And he has a little brother he adores. Now I just have to be okay.
I'm sorry, Shell. That's rough. But Joshua knows you love him! And you might get less time overall, but maybe you'll get more quality time because it'll feel more precious to you.
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