Thursday, May 24, 2012


I've been neglecting this blog. Mostly because everything I think about posting is negative. I'm not generally a negative person, but this life is wearing on me.

I knew with Joshua that I wasn't a baby person. Babies are hard. They're a ton of work with only a little reward. I love the smiles and the giggles. I hate the crying and the constant waking/non-sleeping. Babies require near constant attention, which means I get no time off. Not ever.

Yesterday, Brian was off and I decided that Joshua and I needed some one-on-one time together. So we went to the library and to lunch, just the two of us. And it was fun. And it was easy.

Evan WILL grow up. He will learn to communicate. He will learn to sleep. My time with him will be fun.

I feel like I'm waiting around for things to change. I'm slogging through each day, waiting for things to get better. I started a post about the Waiting Place - from "Oh, the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss. That's where I feel I am.

Those people who say to "enjoy it" are full of it. Yes, there are moments to cherish. But mostly, I'm just trying to survive with my self and my marriage and my kids' self-esteem intact.

I know how bad this sounds. I love my kids. I mean love love them. I'd do anything and everything for them. And that's why I just have to take it a moment at a time, rest when I can, smile when I can. And hug and kiss those boys.


  1. Funny that we're going through a similar set of feelings, just dealing with different things. I feel like I'm constantly negative and I'm having to keep it in check just to make sure I don't ruin all my relationships in the meantime, while I slog through, waiting for things to get better. Just surviving is no way to live.

    I send you all my love! I wish I could give you a break. Hell, that would make both of us feel better!

  2. You may neglect this blog, but I don't. I come here every day to see if there's an update. So you know...

    1. You must be the reason I have 956 page views! You know I write this for you, basically. :)

    2. Hahaha! Maybe. Or maybe you're way more popular than you think! Admittedly, I do sometimes check multiple times a day. Sometimes I'm checking to see if maybe you've posted since I last checked hours before and sometimes it's because I can't remembered if I've checked for the day. :)